The Fake City Council met Monday.
The meeting was at 7 p.m. at Fake City Hall, 111 Fake Lane.
At the meeting, Mayor Jon Dough had a heart attack. He was rushed to the emergency room.
Hello? Is anyone still reading? Probably not. You probably stopped reading after the meeting was referenced three times in as many sentences. That’s too bad because poor Mayor Dough is in critical condition.
The fact that some group met is never the most important part of a news story. The lead is always what happened at the meeting.
Let’s try it again.
Fake City’s mayor remains hospitalized after having a heart attack in a Monday meeting.
Mayor Jon Dough was in critical condition Tuesday at Fake City Hospital, 112 Fake Blvd. He was hospitalized after suffering a heart attack during a city council meeting.
“We were debating the budget when he just fell over,” Councilman Jake Lake said. “Perhaps the deficit was just more than his old heart could handle.”
The city council meets at 7 p.m. Mondays at Fake City Hall, 111 Fake Lane.
The council plans to continue budget discussions as soon as possible, Lake said.
“We plan to discuss the budget at Monday night’s meeting,” he said. “We really hope the mayor is feeling better and can be present.”
Which story would you want to read?
Danièle says
I followed you here from #blogchat on Twitter.
A lot of people just think in a linear matter. That D happens to be the significant fact doesn’t seem to sink in, until you put the two texts side by side, that is. Then the article with the strong lead becomes the obvious choice. Thanks for the reminder, not from a journalist, but from a translator and communications writer, who also needs to have her words pop.
thekrg says
You are so welcome. I’m glad it helped! I’m also glad that you followed me here from #blogchat! Enjoy the blog. Come back often!
Megan Alba says
Ditto to what Daniele said. Just last week someone submitted an article about two individuals being named co-recipients of an award. That paragraph – the actual nugget- was almost at the end of the story. Thankfully, your class taught me to look for the real story, not just the sequence of events.
AmyMccTobin says
LOVE writing to captivate lessons!!!
JBTWEETNOTHINGS says
As someone who considering being a writer at one point long ago, I can really appreciate this. Hopefully more ‘writers’ will read it, note it, and apply it.
deleted_2698155_BruceSallan1 says
Smart! I won’t ever fake it again, Prof!
AlliPolin says
Timely! Was just talking to my daughter about her writing (and how graphic organizers can help) We were also talking about how writers help readers. One way is putting the main point at the start! Can’t learn this one too young. Will be sharing this post with her 🙂
profkrg says
AlliPolin Yes, the most important information must go in the lead. I love that you’re teaching your daughter how to write. That’s a life skill! 🙂